Men in balaclavas offer soothing prospect of war

MEN wearing balaclavas have been making a dreadful situation better.

Fat ninjas

Fat ninjas

As nearly all Britons find themselves able to carry on with the peaceful mundanity of their lives, men wearing stupid knitted masks offered Britain the prospect of civil war that it has been yearning for.

Balaclava fan Tom Logan said: “What this country needs now is for everyone to start lobbing petrol bombs around.

“Anyone who cares about England has a duty to set it on fire, or at least smash a bunch of windows.

“Also, stop thinking. Bypass your brain, jump to hate-filled conclusions and let rampant prejudice be your guide.”

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “History, and also common sense, tells us that in any situation the person whose features are disguised by a stupid hat is not the person you should listen to.

“In fact masks in general, whether tight-fitting on part of a white pointy hat, are a good indicator of insanity, unless it’s Halloween or you’re at an elite fictional orgy.

Muslim father-of-two Rafi Ahmed said: “As far as I’m aware, I’ve got no plans to bring Western civilisation to its knees.

“I’ll probably go to work, come home and eat my tea.”