Moving to London not compulsory

MOVING to one of the world’s most expensive cities is not something you have to do, it has emerged.

Following growing concern about spiralling living costs in the capital, young people have been reminded that going to live in Dalston is not something totally necessary, like breathing or eating food.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “One of the best ways of tackling the housing crisis in London is by not going to live there.

“You may think it’s a glamorous escape from your humdrum provincial life, but it’s just full of people from your home town trying to escape from people like you.

“The ‘cool bits’ are just drab consumerist nightmares trading on the fact that edgy artists live there, but that was actually back in 1843 when painters were still addicted to laudanum.”

23-year-old graduate Nikki Hollis said: “The current London rate to rent sleeping space on a kitchen worktop is £1,000 per month plus agent’s fees. But I have to do it, I can’t risk not doing the thing the media tells me to do.

“My dream is to work for a magazine, writing columns about trying on sunglasses in vintage boutiques while feeling empty inside.”