Mum reckons she’ll have done a good job as long as kids don’t grow up to be twats

A WOMAN does not think her children are destined for greatness and will just be glad if they are not twats.

Helen Archer, 37, is doing her best to raise Sarah and Jamie to be nothing more than vaguely pleasant, well-rounded individuals rather than self-obsessed nightmares with a sense of entitlement and an opinion about absolutely everything.

Archer said: “The responsibility of producing new human beings and then making sure they don’t eat the dishwasher tablets or give themselves a hair cut is big enough.

“Is there really any point in encouraging them to become doctors if they then go around thinking they’re god almighty because they know what the pancreas does?

“I guess they could do sport as long as they don’t become horribly competitive and see sport as a ‘metaphor for life’, like some total bellend.

“And sure, it might be nice if they go to university, but universities do have a fairly high proportion of twats. So they could go in as non-twats but graduate as absolutely dreadful twats.

“It’s a constant challenge, but if you want a twat-free world then nothing is more important.”