Pathetic little twat can’t wait to argue over 5p bag charge

AN appalling man is gearing himself up for an argument over having to pay five pence for a plastic bag.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, has spent the weekend studying the regulations in a bid to convince a check-out assistant that his bag is exempt.

He said: “According to the law, a bag containing raw meat must be free. I intend to argue that the bag which contains the bag which contains the raw meat also contains the raw meat.

“And therefore it must also be free.”

Veteran check-out assistant Margaret Gerving said: “There’s going to be a monumental quantity of high-grade twattishness. I’ve decided to adopt a policy of quiet pity rather than anger.”

Bishop added: “I’m confident the whole thing should take no more than an hour and 45 minutes.”

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All companies now have punk ethos

EVERY company now has a ‘punk ethos’ that drives it forward.

Firms, including fashion chains, software developers and multinational petrochemical corporations, have all confirmed they are challenging establishment values in a dangerous, edgy way.

Business analyst Julian Cook said: “Your customers want to know that you’re not playing by the same old bullshit rules. Why would anyone buy a product that was not the result of creative anarchy?”

Clothing retailer Martin Bishop, said: “Being punk is what we’re all about. That’s why we buy the products in China for a couple of pence and then sell them in Britain for a couple of quid.

“It’s all totally punk as fuck.”

Banking executive Roy Hobbs added: “We loan people money for things they can’t afford and then threaten them with the bailiffs when they don’t pay it back.

“So my biggest influence would have to be Joe Strummer.”