People who flee the UK ‘aren’t stupid’

FLEEING the UK is an intelligent thing to do, it has emerged.

We're leaving and taking our brains

We’re leaving and we’re taking our brains

Researchers into the continuing exodus of Britons have concluded that anyone who exits the country has had at least one smart idea.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “A quick glance out of the window confirms that a mentally capable person with access to air transport wouldn’t want to stick around.

“The challenge is to turn this country around so that the stupid people decide to leave. It basically means changing everything.

“Initially we would want to look at banning films with more than 12 explosions, the phrase ‘oi oi’ and television adverts with appealing animated characters.”

To help start an ‘idiot drain’ the government is already spreading rumours than China has a massive Ibiza-style club scene.

A government spokesman said: “It’s banging over there, totally mental.

“All those big regimented buildings that look like incredibly depressing factories are actually VIP-friendly clubs.

“They’re called things like Coochie Lounge, where they’re having ‘champagne splash’ parties with Danny Dyer playing a funky house DJ set.

“You want to get over there, they have a lot of vacancies for celebrities.”