Rich people help poor people to help rich people, say rich people

CHARITABLE donations are one of the best ways rich people can help rich people to help themselves, according to new research.

If only they generated a diverse range of fiscal advantages

Economists found that every pound a rich person gives to charity generates another pound that can be used to help them build a life of self-sufficiency and yachts.

Julian Cook, professor of holes at Roehampton University, said: “If we tinker with the tax relief on charitable donations we risk condemning thousands of people to some secondhand 50-footer that doesn’t even have a jacuzzi.

“Imagine cruising into a Sardinian fishing village on something that has obviously been renamed. Charities are right to be afraid.

“If we cap the allowance then of course rich people will stop giving money to poor people. What would be the point?”

Martin Bishop, who made £48 million last year betting on things that don’t exist, said: “I am expected to keep giving money to charity just because I can. But then they would have more money and I would have less money.

“I’m sorry, am I missing something?

“Many years ago I realised that poor people were a tremendous opportunity. But where’s my parade?”

Cook added: “Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a man a tax loophole and he’s fucking sorted.”