Richard Branson Dies Laughing

TRIBUTES are being paid to Sir Richard Branson this morning after the Virgin Atlantic boss died of laughter.

Pissed in his pants

Sir Richard was discovered at his West London home early today, slumped over on the sofa with a huge smile on his face and the television stuck on Sky News.

Staff at his Holland Park mansion said they heard him banging on the floor shouting, 'stop, stop, I can't take any more!' before he let out one final burst of uncontrollable laughter.

A company spokesman said: "Something must have set him off yesterday afternoon. I called him at around 4pm and he could hardly speak. At one point I think I heard him say he'd pissed himself.

"It's a shame because he would probably have wanted to go in a balloon accident or some other self-promotional activity."

Meanwhile Heathrow has hailed the catastrophic opening of its new terminal five as an 80% improvement on a normal day at terminals one, two, three and four.

British Airways passengers had to wait five hours to collect their bags, compared to the usual 12, and only 300,000 pieces of luggage went missing over the day.

Airport boss Bill McKay said an 'outstanding' first 24 hours had been marred only by a small riot and a handful of isolated knife fights.

He added: "It did turn a bit nasty when someone pointed out the terminal was just a big shed that wasn't actually connected to any departure gates. Still, thank God for Alsatians, eh?"