Tax statements to be tailored to your idiotic, tribal prejudice


TAXPAYERS are to receive a detailed breakdown of how their money was
spent that is indvidually tailored to their cretinous world view.

For an extra fifty quid you can have yours written by Melanie Phillips

Chancellor George Osborne said he wants the public to know more about government spending and for them to use that information to become even more entrenched in their deliberate stupidity.

Later this year taxpayers will receive a form from the Treasury asking whether they would like a right wing, left wing or spineless, middle-of-the-road tax breakdown.

Tax offices across the UK will then issue bespoke statements that will fill individuals with both righteous anger and the realisation that they are the cleverest person in the world.

A Treasury spokesman said: “Rightwing people will see exactly how much of their money is being spent on ‘wacky-baccy-bongs, general poovery and that lazy Bulgarian scrounger who’s trying to fuck your wife’.

“Left wingers will see how much of their tax is going on ‘fat cat weapons of mass destruction and faith-based child molestation’.

“And fence-sitting weasels will see how much of their tax is wasted on ‘the same old political arguments and fat cat Bulgarian bong molesters’.”

But pro-reasonable conversation campaigners have demanded that the detailed breakdown of welfare spending must also include the phrase ‘You, you fucking idiot’.

Meanwhile, the move has been opposed by the National Union of Journalists who warned that if the bespoke tax statements also include a picture of someone famous in a bikini, British newspapers will close the same day.



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