Teenage love poet wondering what rhymes with 'boner'

14-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan is struggling to articulate his penis-based feelings in a Valentine’s card.

Logan said: “The girl I like is in the sixth form, so as an older sophisticated lady I thought she’d appreciate a well-crafted piece of romantic verse.

“We did Coleridge and Keats in English so I know about poetry.

“In fact I was channeling Wordsworth when I wrote the opening line about how ‘Your twilight eyes give me a boner’.

“But I can’t think how to follow it except ‘But I am a weird loner’ which feels wrong.

“Romance is exhausting.”

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Unparalleled Britain battles havoc crisis

BRITAIN’S chaos crisis is no longer paralleled.

The strewn Atlantic has littered warnings as derailed trees battered standstill.

In trains, commuters wobbled and lashed hurricanes caused flooded travel havoc.

Meanwhile, more than 2,000 armies have pumped out Staines.

Red alert weather science confirmed Britain is now entirely abandoned to a whole month of severe in less than hours.

A Cobra said: “Unparallel the havoc! Battleground the levels!”

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