Tories demand to know why Osborne was on a train

CONSERVATIVE party officials have asked George Osborne to explain why he was using public transport.

The Moomin-faced Chancellor caused controversy last week after refusing to pay for an upgrade on his ticket and insisting that his aides should be considered as luggage.

Tory backbencher Denys Finch Hatton said: “Whether or not George intended to pay his fare ignores the more fundamental question of what he was doing in a metal tube full of squalid paupers.

“One can only assume his helicopter was in for servicing, his chauffeur had died and he’d somehow mistaken the ghastly contraption for a public convenience, which is what I’m told they predominantly smell of.”