Tradesmen's earnings 'only untaxed until they get to the pub'
BUILDERS’ cash-in-hand earnings only remain outside the tax system until they arrive at a place that sells beer, it has been claimed.
After Exchequer Secretary David Gauke called small cash payments ‘morally repugnant’, tradesmen were swift to remind the minister that pints are taxed pretty fucking heavily.
Plasterer Tom Logan said: “Whatever cash I might earn is going back into the system within half an hour, even less if we pass a boozer on the way home.
“I understand the tax on a pint of beer is something like 38%. Also crisps, pub pool tables and Status Quo songs on the jukebox are tax magnets, I’d imagine.”
Beer raises over £21 billion in taxes annually, most of it from men in overalls who are ‘winding down’ after a hard day’s tea-drinking.
Builder Stephen Malley said: “It’s not like we’re spending this money on cocktails in St Lucia like some non-domicile corporate fat cats.
“I’d like to think our beer duty is going back into the NHS, and will one day help to replace my swollen liver.
“And as far as being ‘morally repugnant’ goes, I even urinate in customers’ sinks when they are out, just to save on the water usage associated with flushing toilets.”