TV adverts mislead public into believing Christmas is good


SEASONAL television adverts create a false impression that Christmas is enjoyable, it has been claimed.

The fucking magic is coming

Experts believe television commercials depicting harmonious families, train journeys unaffected by snow and women receiving gifts of tasteful underwear deliberately misrepresent the true horror of Christmas.

Profressor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Only kids, idiots and Jesus like Christmas.

“For normal adults, you’re just in a house with near-strangers, trapped by hostile weather conditions – it’s like the aftermath of nuclear war.

“However Christmas TV adverts make the emotionally gullible think that spending time with extended family is somehow pleasurable.

“It’s worth remembering that behind the lavishly-produced story of a lovelorn snowman is a group of people who just want your credit card details.”

Professor Brubaker proposed new advertising guidelines under which the word ‘Christmas’ must always be preceded by the word ‘fucking’.

He said: “Slogans like ‘Fucking Christmas made easy’, Fucking Christmas is coming’ and ‘Fucking Christmas made fabulous’ would allow retailers to sell without creating an unrealistic expectation of universal good will.”



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