Uncovered nipples on rampage of destruction

AN army of uncovered nipples is wreaking havoc across Britain.

The freed nipples wreaked devastation on terrified civilians yesterday, smashing and looting their way through formerly peaceful, nipple-less streets.

Liberated nipples overturned a police car while others cheered and threw missiles at cowering officers.

Shopkeeper Wayne Hayes said: “I was minding my own business when this gang of nipples came in.

“At first I assumed they were male nipples, and I thought nothing of it. By the time I realised they were lady nipples, it was too late. I barely escaped with my life.”

Nipple leader Donna Sheridan said: “My fearsome areolas were once contained in a prison of cotton gauze and wire. But now they are free to sow chaos everywhere I go.”

As onlookers fled screaming, decent people demanded to know how the nipples were freed with no thought for the consequences.

Stephen Malley, from Edinburgh, said: “I expect to see nipples only in certain circumstances, when they have been properly sexualised. Put them back on the internet, where they belong.”