Vigilante nan declares war on street crime and black people
CRIME-FIGHTING grandmother Margaret Gerving has declared war on wrongdoers, especially black people and Germans.
Mrs Gerving, a retired head teacher from Guildford, has been hailed as a hero since beating a group of masked robbers to the floor with her handbag in a brutal street battle because she thought they were afro-Caribbean.
In an interview with Racist Nan magazine, she said: “I saw a group of men with their faces covered, robbing a shop. My first thought was, ‘darkies up to no good as usual – I must launch myself at them’.
“The police said after they caught them and took the masks off they discovered they weren’t coloured, but I don’t believe them.
“They can make themselves look white. It’s all done with computers.”
She added: “It’s about time we stood up to these foreigners. They’re as bad as people who serve tea in polystyrene cups.”
Plumber Tom Logan, from Swindon, said: “I am fed up with crime and as a Top Gear viewer I’m very comfortable with semi-ironic racism, which must mean that I think Mrs Gerving is a national treasure.
“She actually reminds me of The Punisher but with varifocals and a colostomy bag.”
Pc Stephen Malley said: “As a policeman I am naturally torn. On the one hand I don’t think members of the public should be apprehending criminals, but on the other I am really quite racist.
“I’ll probably need to go on a course.”