Weddings in stupid places to bankrupt Britain
MILLIONS of Britons are facing financial ruin because their friends keep getting married in distant, expensive places they have only visited once.
'I'm losing my house, you fuckers'
New data shows 64 per cent of households listed friends’ foreign weddings, which are basically compulsory holidays to places they do not really want to visit, as the foremost drain on their already embattled finances.
Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “Making all your dearest schlep out to the Cayman Islands when you’re from Birmingham is a way of saying ‘this is our special day, and if anyone complains it’s because they hate the idea of love in any form and have a pus-filled blister where their heart should be’.
“Having a wedding is like being a baby again. You can do more or less what you want and everyone you know just has to handle it.”
He added: “Historically, the people getting married would do so where they lived. Chances were that many of the invited guests would also hail from the area, making it a pretty good set-up for all concerned, logistically speaking.
“You could get the whole thing done and dusted in a day and nobody had to bugger about with hire cars and typhoid injections.
“However somewhere along the line some marketing bastards decided the local approach wasn’t ‘memorable’ enough and basically rewired the whole thing into a big fucking nightmare.
“Similarly it was quite good when stag or hen parties happened in pub function rooms with a pass-the-hat-round stripper and did not involve eight days of Bulgarian quad biking.”
Martin Bishop, 31, from Finsbury Park, said : “This year I’ve been to seven weddings in nine countries.
“I can no longer afford to eat and simply fill up on cake and as many of those little smoked salmon vol au vents as I can cram into my cheeks.
“I wish all my friends were dead.”
