We’re good thanks, England tells EDL
ENGLAND has told the English Defence League that they can stop trying to defend it now.
The ancient nation is embarrassed that other countries think it needs the help of some scrawny, misspelled tattoo carriers who reek of chip fat.
England said: “Having mosques built on you actually feels quite nice – when they all kneel to pray it’s like having a back massage.
“And at my age you’re glad of the company, so immigration doesn’t bother me. The more the merrier as long as they’re not French.”
The nation added: “If the EDL really wants to defend somebody I’m sure Wales could do with all the help it can get. And ‘wdl’ is actually the Welsh word for an undescended testicle, so that dovetails nicely.”
England has also asked the RAF to drop EDL members into Afghanistan so they can fight all the Muslims they want while being cut to pieces in a hail of bullets.
The specimens will be enticed into the back of a Hercules transport plane using a trail of deep-fried turkey parts.
An MoD spokesman said: “They’ll each be given a case of Stella and directions to the nearest Taliban headquarters.
“At which point they will be free to engage in a lively debate about culture.”