Women Bishops To Fill Cathedrals With Knick-Knacks And Pot Pourri
FEMALE clerics have vowed to fill England's great churches with stupid little knick-knacks and bowls of pot pourri as soon as they become bishops.
The Church of England general synod last night voted to consecrate women bishops despite warnings the nation's finest cathedrals would soon become all scented and frou-frou.
Reverend Emily Jenkins, a curate from Somerset, said she was looking forward to buying new curtains and some plug-in air fresheners when she takes over at Wells Cathedral.
Looking around the magnificent 13th century building, she said: "What this place needs is lots of velvet scatter cushions, some strawberry tea lights and my collection of little china hippos.
"And where's the curtains? If this was left in the hands of a male bishop you'd have roll-down bamboo blinds and a yukka plant – in a cathedral."
The Rt Reverend Julian Cook, a leading opponent of women bishops, said: "They'll just go round putting up pictures of tulips and daisies. What about some boats or an old steam train?
"And no doubt the loos will be filled with machines chucking out fanny-pads and such like."
But the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, defended the move, adding: "For too long men have selfishly guarded the right to put on big dresses and talk about Jesus.
"It is time to let women put on dresses too."