Chilcot takes seven years to report the absolutely f**king obvious

SIR John Chilcot has confirmed everything that absolutely everybody already knew the entire time. 

The former civil servant has published an 8,000-page report on the Iraq war that contains exactly no revelations, surprises or bolts from the blue.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “So the WMD claims were a lie, war was decided upon well before all other options were exhausted, and there was no post-invasion plan?

“Well, fuck me.”

He added: “We didn’t have the resources for two wars? I remember a taxi driver making the exact same observation in 2002.

“I did actually know it wasn’t impossible to predict post-invasion problems, because I predicted them in the essay I wrote for my General Studies GCSE aged 15.

“Does he include the information that water remained wet throughout the period? Well I suppose he had to leave some stuff out.”