Killer Robots Nothing To Worry About, Say Army Chiefs
THE army has pledged to keep building massive killer robots with a grudge against humanity, insisting that nothing could possibly go wrong.
Recent projects by the Massive Psychotic Robot Research and Development team include Deathatron, a 500ft metal man with glowing red eyes, circular saws for hands and the brain of an insane genius.
Deathatron is currently chained up in a dank laboratory-cum-dungeon, where he is constantly goaded by callous guards in preparation for his role as an obedient, benevolent guardian of humanity.
Inventor Dr Colin Purves said: "There's absolutely no way that Deathatron won't turn out to be a total boon. Despite his vocabulary being limited to the word 'KILL' he is actually very gentle around children, provided they don't make any fast moves or wear green.
"'As soon as I've finished turning his eyes into twin hate-activated death rays, I shall hand him over to the army where he will be able to help gently coerce civilians in disaster-struck regions into leaving their villages.
"It'll definitely be fine. I'm almost certain about that."
Dr Purves' other creations include 'Killjaw', a massive steel dinosaur with an insatiable appetite for human flesh, and 'Meltdown', a manic-depressive, easily-brainwashed android whose head is an enormous nuclear warhead, both of which recently disappeared following a raid on his lab by terrorist fanatics hellbent on plunging the world into chaos.
He said: "That was quite annoying, but I'm sure they'll turn up. No biggie."
He added: "People who say massive killer robots are dangerous clearly don't know anything about massive killer robots.'