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TOP 10 THIS MONTH

• RONALDO TO STAR IN REMAKE OF 'ROOTS'
• PRICE OF GAS TO RISE, SAY MEN WHO SET THE PRICE OF GAS
• EVERYONE NOW A F*CKING TENNIS EXPERT
• LEADERLESS FRENCH ARMY UNABLE TO RETREAT
• MPs THINK YOU MUST BE SOME KIND OF TWAT
• BACK TO THE BROTHEL FOR PRIMARK T-SHIRT KIDS
• JEREMY KYLE RAPPED FOR SHOWING A SCOTSMAN
• WOMEN STILL FACE DISCRIMINATION, SAYS JUMPED-UP COW
• 85% OF MEN HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REACT TO HELEN MIRREN IN A BIKINI
• TELEVISION TO BE CONTROLLED BY 200 LATENT HOMOSEXUALS

TOP 10 EVER

• PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO F*CKING PARK ON BRINK OF EXTINCTION
• FRENCH TRADER WAS FORCED TO WORK 30 HOURS A WEEK
• 'LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS F*CKING RAT' SAY ZOOLOGISTS
• BRA RESEARCH MUST GO ON, VOWS SCIENTIST
• SCOTLAND DIES LAUGHING
• GOVERNMENT TO TACKLE BINGE-W*NKING
• CANNABIS NOW WORSE THAN THE NAZIS
• LEAVE BACON OUT OF IT, HEALTH EXPERTS WARNED
• LONDON BOMB 'NOT SCARY ENOUGH', BROWN TELLS MI5
• I'LL BE JUST FINE, SAYS PLANET

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