Aidan Burley convinced career is back on track
MP AIDAN Burley last night reassured friends that he is still on schedule to be prime minister by 2017.
The Nazi-befriending Tory said he had successfully defused his latest bout of unprovoked racial ghastliness and was ‘quietly confident’ about his chances at the next government reshuffle.
He added: “As an opening gambit I shall tell the prime minster that, while I am flattered, neither education nor the home office really fit with my long-term plan.
“I can’t wait to see his face.
“I will then remind him, gently, that not only did I work as a management consultant, I also have a degree in theology. At that point he will nod thoughtfully, pick up the phone and ask George Osborne to step aside.
“I have great plans for the economy. My first act as chancellor will be to commission a ‘volks-wagen’.
“I also want to introduce a tax break for people who use the term ‘fuzzy-wuzzies’.”
Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “D’you know what? I’m not sure it would make a huge difference.
“The economy is currently being run by a man who believes much the same things as Aidan Burley, though at least has the sense to go on Twitter with the same fake profile he uses to quote Enoch Powell on Daily Telegraph comment threads.
“And at least Burley managed to get through Oxford without being photographed looking like a right fucking nonce.”
Meanwhile, the House of Commons is to create a special backbench for Burley that is so far from the Speaker he will need to send up a flare.