Cameron heckler offered Newsnight job

28-06-12

THE BBC has asked the Olympic volunteer who heckled David Cameron during a pre-games speech to contact them about potential work.

Newsnight journalists can run at up to 35 miles per hour

The unnamed sports-serf impressed Newsnight producers by displaying near-superhuman levels of confidence and aggression for someone wearing a daft-looking polo shirt with a lanyard.

BBC testosterone scout Roy Hobbs said: “He reminded us of a young Paxman in his pomp and we’d like to get him started on junior-ministers-thrown-to the-jackals-by-their-chickenshit-bosses as soon as possible.

“We predict that as the government tries increasingly ludicrous measures to stop the country turning into 600 miles of fucked they’re going to feed us a steady diet of scrubbed, terrified-looking nonentities and Jeremy can’t be expected to shout at them all.”

The newcomer will be trained in Newsnight interview techniques by undergoing a strict diet of raw meat and whisky and watching eight hours of Louise Mensch footage a day to hone his ability to sneer incredulously at nonsense.

He will then be taught essential television studio techniques needed to demean the pointless wordfarts that have just been wafted in his direction by a £90,000-a-year suit full of bollocks, such as staring contemptuously at a clipboard or abruptly asking if he looks like a whale’s penis.

Hobbs added: “A London 2012 spokesman said this outburst came at a rather inappropriate time and place.

“I do think there are occasions when it’s wrong to vent political spleen, for example while hiding in a cupboard from a knife-wielding lunatic, or when having an orgasm. But try as I might, I can’t think of a better time to get one’s viewpoint across than when the Prime Minister is stood right in front of you.”

 

 

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