'Job camps' are the final solution to unemployment, says Duncan Smith
IAIN Duncan Smith has decided to stop dicking about and move the unemployed into dog-patrolled ‘job camps’.
The camps are intended to help jobseekers back into work with training in hard manual labour and prominently placed motivational slogans such as ‘Jobs will make you free’.
Duncan Smith said: “All we’re doing is taking the confusing system of dozens of different benefits and replacing it with heavily guarded labour camps.
“Guests will be encouraged to develop a strong work ethic with a 6am roll call enforced by G4S ‘kapos’, and will also learn new skills, such as making their own wooden clogs.
“The new camps should not be confused with anything from history although they will be surrounded by machine gun posts and staffed by a new army regiment known as ‘special soldiers’.
“Living in a camp is really no different to living in a house, if your house was inside a high barbed wire fence patrolled by hostile dogs and you happened to have watery soup for dinner every evening.
“I’ll be taking a hands-on approach by visiting every camp personally in my special uniform, which is only black because it’s a very practical colour and doesn’t show the dirt.”
Camp inmate Tom Logan said: “The constant barking of Alsatians makes it hard to concentrate on filling in job application forms.
“Also I’ve had my clothes taken away, I’m not sure how being naked all the time is giving me my dignity back.”