Politics Headlines

'I'm still in control', says most ironic prime minister ever

THERESA May is head-and-shoulders ahead of rivals in the competition to be Britain’s most ironic prime minister ever, historians believe.  

EU comforts May by reminding her it doesn’t give a shit

BRUSSELS officials have comforted Theresa May by reminding her they care no more about her stupid Commons defeat than they did about her idiot election.

Trump visit could actually be the thing that stops us all hating each other, agrees Britain

BRITONS have agreed that a visit from American's evil president next year could actually be the thing that reunites their divided nation.

May confirms 'sense of optimism' actually means 'never-ending sea of piss'

THERESA May has confirmed the Brexit negotiations continue to be a ‘gigantic sea of piss’.

Britain advances to phase two of being absolutely shafted

THE UK has achieved a significant breakthrough in the process of being done hard by the EU, and can now move to being properly shafted.

Remainers absolutely loving Brexit now

REMAINERS have confessed that they are thoroughly enjoying the humiliating collapse of Brexit and cannot wait to see what happens next.

'What is 'Brexit'?' asks David Davis

BREXIT secretary David Davis has denied ever having heard the word ‘Brexit’ before and has asked somebody to explain it to him.

Impact assessments wouldn't have helped the dinosaurs, says David Davis

DAVID Davis has told MPs that dinosaurs did not demand an impact assessment for the meteor that wiped them out.