Politics Headlines

We can get through Brexit if we're high, says Hague

FORMER Tory leader William Hague believes that the UK can get through Brexit fine as long as it remains 'high as shit' throughout.

Brexit bill to be a terrible betrayal of someone

THE Brexit bill coming to the Commons this afternoon will definitely end up being a terrible betrayal of someone, MPs have agreed. 

Government announces crackdown on blaming police cuts for crime

THE government is to impose minimum 10-year sentences on anyone attempting to blame police cuts for rising crime, it has announced. 

Ministers claim third Heathrow runway vital for mass exodus from this shitty country

HEATHROW’S controversial third runway is vital for the forthcoming exodus from this arsed-up country, government officials have confirmed.

Get back on the canals, May tells North

THE prime minister has responded to the northern rail crisis by ordering locals off trains and back on narrowboats where they belong. 

Only 17 massive new problems with Brexit discovered today

ONLY 17 immense Brexit problems have emerged in the last 24 hours, an upbeat Theresa May has confirmed.

House of Lords only senile old bastards in country who don't back Brexit

THE House of Lords has shocked Britain by being full of senile old bastards who are not backing Brexit. 

Piss off you old ratbag it's my go, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has decided he may as well just tell the prime minister to piss off.