Brexit plan actually more like a Clockwork Orange, confirms auditor general

THE official who compared the government’s Brexit plan to a chocolate orange has clarified he actually meant the senseless brutality of the film A Clockwork Orange.

Auditor general Amyas Morse said that the current cabinet are very much like bowler hat-wearing droogs who, intoxicated on the milk-plus of Brexit, head out for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

He added: “When I see David Davis and his team I see men who claim to be cultured and enjoy Beethoven but instead indulge themselves in acts of mindless vandalism.

“One may attempt to cure these people by holding their eyelids open in front an assault of negative imagery, such as pretty much any news story about Brexit, but no cure will take and they’ll continue to destroy innocent lives.

“So basically there is no solution apart from banning them from the public eye for 27 years until they become incredibly dated and boring.”

David Davis said: “Come and get one in the yarbles, uncle!”