Brown Deafened By Sound Of Collapsing Argument
GORDON Brown will once again focus Labour's election campaign on national insurance after being deafened by the collapse of his own argument.
Mr Brown's advisers had urged him not to return to the issue, but the prime minister just nodded and smiled and said their voices had gone all dull and fuzzy.
The argument has been collapsing in stages since last week with the final section crashing to the ground in a massive cloud of dust and bits during the Today programme, just after eight o'clock this morning.
Radio Four listener Tom Logan said: "I was spooning some mephedrone into my tea and listening to John Humphrys being a shit, when all of sudden there was this huge, violent noise.
"It was so loud I thought it must be coming from outside, but then I realised it was the last part of the prime minister's argument on national insurance smashing into the ground like it had been kicked over by a giant toddler.
"I do hope no-one was hurt apart from John Humphrys."
Within minutes of the argument toppling over, Guardian editor Peter Mandelson was seen scrabbling over the smoking rubble and attempting to rebuild it while mumbling, 'employers know nothing about employing people' over and over again.
Meanwhile Wayne Hayes, some arsehole from Stevenage, said: "I have been trying like a bastard to get my head round this idea that a national insurance cut will take money out of the economy.
"So I started to think really hard about what the economy is and I came to the conclusion that it's actually me and everyone else. Together we are 'the economy'. D'you see?
"So if the government gives money back to me that means the money is going into the economy not out of it. The money just goes from one place to another, it doesn't disappear – unless of course I put it all on some piece of shit horse and then lose it, which I probably will because I'm such an arsehole.
"But that's still okay because then the bookie gets the money and now he can spend it on things – though knowing him it'll just be loads of booze and whores – but even then the brewery and the skank will have the money.
"So the money still exists, in the economy, it's just that it's gone from me to a bookie to a skank.
"I worked that out all by myself, by the way."