GORDON Brown last night ordered his minions to fetch him a fresh bank.
The prime minister has grown bored in recent days and has told friends that only the comprehensive destruction of a great financial institution will banish his ennui.
A Downing Street source said: "Oh, how he does love to fuck-up a bank. It's the only thing getting him out of bed these days.
"He'll trudge into the office, gaze out of the window and ask, 'are there no new banks to destroy?'. And then we'll apologise and he'll look all sad and disappointed and his bottom lip will start to wobble. It breaks your heart.
"But oh, you should have seen him the other day when his Lloyds plan finally came off.
"We all gathered round the telly to watch the share price plummeting while the prime minister bounced up and down in his chair, clapping his hands and giggling."
The source added: "He's totally perplexed at how HSBC have come through all of this virtually unscathed and he really wants to see them suffer.
"He's talked about forcing them to buy RBS, the rotting, leftover bits of MFI and the old Rover plant at Longbridge and then sitting back and 'watching the fun'.
"And as for Barclays, well he really wants to wait until all of this is over and they think they're safe and then he's going to blow them to bits with a tank."
