Budget assigns £3bn to Brexit, £6bn to bullshit, and £12bn to total and utter bollocks

23-11-17

THE government has promised £3 billion in funding for Brexit, a further £6 billion for bullshit, and an unprecedented £12 billion for utter fucking bollocks.

Chancellor Philip Hammond announced the incredible £21bn giveaway in yesterday’s budget to cheers from hardline Tories fanatically committed to anything that makes no sense whatsover.

Mary Fisher, member for Worcestershire West, said: “It’s fantastic to see the chancellor finally putting money into the wheelbarrows of complete cock which really matter to my constituents.

“I can’t tell you how often they’ve come in spouting absolute shit and demanding we make it our top priority, and finally the funding is there to do so.

“It looked very much as if we were heading in that direction when we gave a billion pounds to the DUP, but I did have my doubts about Hammond. He seemed too determined to stay rational.

“Thankfully bullshit has won the day, and the chancellor has bravely charted a course to the future of unadulterated and unmitigated balls which is every patriotic Briton’s birthright.”

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