Cameron Foetus Will Wreck Recovery, Says Brown

THE tiny foetus growing inside the wife of Tory leader David Cameron will slash front line services and wreck Britain's fragile economic recovery, the prime minister claimed last night.

Sixty economists have backed Mr Brown's claim that the foetus would not be able to hold a pen

Gordon Brown said the recently fertilised egg would decimate health and education budgets, put thousands on the dole and that if you looked at it under a microscope you would see a really, really small version of Norman Tebbit.

He added: "People need to take a long hard look at this foetus and ask themselves – 'has it really changed very much in the last three or four days?'"

Labour campaign organisers were in confident mood last night insisting voters would be unimpressed by the sight of the pathetically energetic Tory leader and his horribly glowing wife alongside three hard working former cabinet ministers and a prime minister who is getting on with the job of asking for more money from the same passionate and determined trade unions that are trying to bring the country to its knees.

But while Mr Brown attacked the foetus over economic policy, sources say that privately he believes it is the co-ordinator of a new Blairite plot that includes former home secretary Charles Clarke, model Sophie Dahl and Hollywood actor Tobey Maguire who, he believes, has always resented him for being a much better Spiderman.

Meanwhile key Labour advisers including Charlie Whelan and Alistair Campbell have suggested the foetus is trying to conceal its non-domiciled tax status and secretly harbours extreme right wing views on issues like abortion and stem cell research.

Last night a Conservative spokesman stressed the pregnancy had not been timed to coincide with the election campaign and said that if the baby was a boy it would be called Winston Queen Mother Yorkshire Pudding Cameron.

He added: "And if it's a girl they're going to call it Attenborough Pizza Express Kaplinsky.

"It's a family name actually, so shut it."