Cameron Hires Aitken As Dishonesty Coach
TORY leader David Cameron has enlisted one of the party's most senior ex-convicts in his bid to become a more effective liar.
Cameron will be coached two days a month by former defence minister Jonathan Aitken, who was jailed for perjury after claiming he was trying to buy back his daughters from the Saudi Royal Family.
Aitken, now a respected international liar, will use many of his famous techniques including 'False Indignation', 'How to Exploit Your Wife' and 'Big Lies – Huge Rewards'.
Aitken said: "My time in prison allowed me to think very deeply about the nature of lying and how one day I could hope to perfect it.
"I met criminals who would lie for absolutely no reason. I learned a great deal from these men.
"Political lying has become much more professional since 1997. Mandelson, Campbell, Blair and Brown reshaped the dishonesty landscape and in recent years Conservative liars have begun to look rather amateur.
"I want David Cameron to tell the most enormous lies. I want each and every word to be a masterclass in deceit."
He added: "There's no point lying for money or to protect your reputation. You should lie because you want to lie."
When Aitken is not coaching politicians he tours the country giving lectures about how Jesus loved money and guns.