Clegg convinces himself apology was genuine
LIB DEM leader Nick Clegg has succeeded in believing the sincerity of his own apology.
The self-styled deputy prime minister produced a video in which he said sorry for his party’s broken pledge on tuition fees and then watched it more than 50 times until he was absolutely convinced.
He said: “At first I thought it was so typical of me, but then after I had seen it a dozen times I started to think, ‘maybe I really mean this’.
“I studied the expression on my face very closely and was , looking for tell-tale signs of dishonesty but came up wanting. I also noticed that I blinked exactly the same amount as you would except from a person who was telling the truth.
“Also, I thought my choice of shirt was incredibly contrite.”
He added: “After seeing my apology I am now willing to give me a second chance. I’ve been very hard on myself but I now realise that government is not easy and it’s about time I gave myself the benefit of the doubt.
“This video has finally convinced me that I acted in good faith and that when I say I will never again make a promise I can’t keep I am inclined to believe myself.”
Julian Cook, professor of Lib Dem apologies at Roehampton University, said: “I’ve come to the conclusion that Nick Clegg can only be described as a politician in the broadest possible sense.
“Yes, he is an MP, a party leader and a member of the cabinet but what he has been doing for the last three years is not politics. It’s just weird, and not in a good way.”
He added: “Also, apologising to bigots and homophobes is offensive, but apologising to students is like a fucking war crime.”