David Davis Keeping Sexy Photo Of Nick Clegg In His Underpants
FORMER Tory leadership contender David Davis has a photo of Nick Clegg’s head on Peter Andre’s body, which he keeps stuffed down the front of his underpants, it emerged last night.
Mr Davis, who resigned from the shadow cabinet a couple of years ago over something or other, was heard last week describing prime minister David Cameron and his Lib Dem coalition partner as a ‘pair of cowboy poofters bumming each other in a tent’.
But friends of the MP said the remarks were just the latest sign of Mr Davis ‘acting out’ his jealousy and frustration at not being able to be near Mr Clegg and kiss him on the mouth.
A source said: “Just so’s we’re all clear, this isn’t a political analogy in any way. David Davis desires Nick Clegg and wants to have sexual intercourse with him.
“A lot of people assumed there was something going on between David and Shami Chakrabati from Liberty. But he really just needed someone to talk to about Clegg and Shami’s a great listener.
“She actually advised him to resign in the hope that Clegg would be so filled with admiration for his liberal principles that the two of them would end up going out for dinner and that would be the start of it. Again, not an analogy, he really wants to fuck him.”
The source added: “David is quite turned on by the idea of them doing it in a tent up a hill, but ideally he’d prefer the sex to happen in a nice big bed at the Dorchester.”
Tory backbencher, Julian Cook, said: “I walked into his office a couple of weeks ago to find him with his trousers and pants round his ankles, masturbating furiously to a video of the first prime ministerial debate.
“Apparently he’s watched it so much he’s had to order a new copy.
“But the strange thing was, when I walked in, he didn’t stop. He just raised his left hand as if to say ‘give me a minute’ before bringing himself to a shuddering climax while shouting ‘I agree with Nick! I agree with Nick!’.
“He then pulled up his trousers and asked me how I was.”