‘He didn’t call us a shithole!’ declares triumphant Theresa May

12-01-18

THE prime minister is celebrating after Donald Trump did not include Britain in his list of ‘shithole’ countries. 

The president cancelled his visit to London because endorsing a bad property deal is a moral line he refuses to cross, but refrained from trashing Britain alongside Haiti and Nigeria in what Theresa May has described as a ‘personal victory’.

She said: “The very fact that we are on the president’s mind but not included in a list of ‘AIDS-ridden shithole countries’ that the US should cut all contact with is a diplomatic triumph for the UK that will leave our European rivals deeply envious.

“With this assurance I am happy to leave the EU without a deal, because our status as a non-shithole country in America’s eyes puts us at the front of the queue for trade.

She added: “I knew it was worth holding his tiny, slimy hand.”

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