ONE of the first acts of a Conservative government would be to take Bruce Forsyth into some woods and then let him go, David Cameron declared yesterday.
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Dear Holly, I consider myself to be a vaguely attractive gentleman, not completely abhorrent to women, and yet I never seem to have much luck in getting one to intercourse me. The main problem is that I just don't know how to communicate effectively with the opposite sex. If I spot a nice-looking girl in a bar I set out to win her with the best intentions, but usually just end up getting very drunk and asking her if she would like to suck me, which hasn't been terribly successful as yet. Please help. Cliff, Whitby
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