May exercises power with sweeping changes to cabinet’s lunchtime seating plan

THERESA May has flexed her political muscle by imposing a radical new lunchtime seating plan on her cabinet. 

The parliamentary canteen’s red tables, a pair of which form a hexagon when pushed together, now have an entirely new layout putting Brexiters next to Remainers.

A cabinet insider said: “Last year we were allowed to sit where they liked because none of the girls want to be with Boris and everyone hates seeing Gove eat, but she’s asserted her authority.

“Justine Greening’s bitchy little clique’s been broken up, Hammond’s not allowed to bring in his own fancy continental food, and David Davis can’t reserve a seat for Rees-Mogg.

“We’ll all just ignore it after the first day, of course, and go back to where we were before.

“Poor cow. She’s only done it because she’s always sat on her own.”