May to win approval of young by quitting

THERESA May is to boost her standing among young voters by stepping down with immediate effect.

May has determined that the only way to regain the trust of the under-30s is to fire her entire cabinet, vacate Downing Street, and then to dissolve the Conservative Party.

She said: “Britain needs strong and stable leadership in the national interest, not my own personal clown car crashing in slow motion while I’m berated by fundamentalists in Harris tweed.

“That’s why I have decided to listen to the nation’s young, and leave politics forever. I’m going to live in a village and be the over-zealous woman who is mysteriously responsible for locking and unlocking the local church.”

Nikki Hollis, 25, said: “I sincerely hope the door does not hit her on the way out.”

Upon being told the news, Jeremy Corbyn said: “Ah. Shit.”