MP Does Something Other Than Being A Dick

WESTMINSTER was left reeling last night after a senior politician did something that did not involve being a total dick.

David Davis in his 'World of Sport' heyday

Amid unprecedented scenes the MP said it was time to stop being a dick and devote his time to other things, starting with his job.

He told reporters: "Some people will say to me, 'what are you trying to achieve by not being an arrogant, grasping, hypocritical, self-serving, creepy, dishonest, sleazy dick-faced motherfucker?

"I say to them – it is very simple. It is time for one of us to take a stand. It is time for one of us to stop just being a total dick, all of the time."

He added: "I have spoken with the leader of my party. He thinks not being a dick is a risk, but I reminded him the British people are paying us all more than sixty grand a year to not be a bunch of dicks."

Labour politicians ridiculed his stance claiming that by not being a dick he was actually being even more of a dick.

But Senior Tories applauded the MP's anti-dick principles while stressing they would continue to act like dick-faced motherfuckers.

The dramatic development also left the Westminster press pack divided and confused, with many of them criticising the politician for interrupting their lunch.

Meanwhile scores of backbenchers have asked the Speaker of the Commons how they go about claiming expenses for watching David Davis's resignation speech.