New National Curriculum includes Lace Making and Servant Flogging
The new National Curriculum does away with more modern subjects in favour of Duelling and Standing Up Straight.
Science lessons will disregard any discoveries made since 1850, concentrating instead on making opium.
Education Minster Michael Gove said: “The British men who conquered half the globe didn’t have their minds full of social science and Philip Larkin.”
Girls will be taught separately from boys, to avoid overheating their brains.