Nigel Farage ‘just a comic creation that got out of hand’

‘NIGEL Farage’ is a fictional parody of a raving idiot, it has emerged.

Farage’s real identity is that of alternative comedian Wayne Hayes, who began performing the character of right-wing buffoon Nigel Twatley Farrago O’Drivel in 1986.

After years of struggle on the stand-up circuit, Hayes as the now-refined ‘Nigel Farage’ was booked for a function at the Dorchester Conservative Club. But instead of laughing at his foghorn-voiced bletherings, the audience responded with thunderous applause.

Hayes said: “My agent recommended I join UKIP as a stunt. So I went along to their conference and did my turn.

“I thought I’d really ratchet up the nonsense – ‘We, the roast beef of England will not be dictated to by Brussels sprouts.’ They lapped it up.”

After a lucrative run of gigs, Hayes decided it was time to kill off Nigel Farage and staged a plane crash. However, such was the outpouring of concern that he felt obliged to have the character recover with minor injuries.

Hayes said: “I feel a responsibility to my thousands of fans. Plus, I don’t know what they might do if they found out ‘Nigel Farage’ was a spoof – beat me to death with a garden hoe, or something. They’re all completely insane.

“Now I’m on Question Time nearly every month. It’s more regular than stand up plus they give you wine and sandwiches.

“But as a comedian, it hurts me that no one’s laughing at my material. Seriously, you’re meant to laugh.”