Rosa Klebb Wins Labour Deputy Contest
SMERSH assassin Rosa Klebb is the new deputy leader of the Labour Party after a closely fought contest in which she killed all of her rivals.
The 56 year-old Camberwell MP promised to bring a new approach to politics and said she was looking forward to strangling Peter Hain while he slept.
Klebb has been described as a moderniser, a feminist and one of the most ruthless and efficient killing machines in Europe.
Her trademark 'knife-shoes' brought a splash of colour to an otherwise humdrum campaign.
She said she was honoured to serve alongside Gordon Brown adding: "The right leadership team for the Labour Party was one that encompassed the north and south, that was the balanced team of a man and woman working together and that included a brooding sociopath and a trained killer."
THE ROSA KLEBB FILE
- Age: 56
- Family: Married, three children
- School: St Paul's Girls School, London
- University: The East Berlin Technical Institute for Killing People
- Political hero: Ernst Stavro Blofeld
- Good night out/in: Getting together with the family and/or killing people
- Hobbies: Cooking, family get-togethers, killing people
- Favourite book: We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver
- Best thing on TV: Cash in the Attic, River Cottage
- Bad habits: Using too much piano wire
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