Scotland To Buy Second Hand Car With Own Money
FIRST minister Alex Salmond will today announce that Scotland is to get a part-time job and save up enough money to buy a car.
Salmond will outline an 18-month strategy centred around bar work and shelf-stacking, but could even go as far as up to six hours a week at Greggs.
The bold initiative, which threatens to change the course of British history, will culminate in the purchase of a 1997 Vauxhall Corsa.
Salmond said: "Having a car will be totally brilliant. We could even drive to Italy or Spain next summer."
He said that it was natural for small European nations to have their own cars stressing that Ireland now has a five year-old Audi A3 while Estonia and Lithuania have recently bought Fiestas.
But political analyst Dr Wayne Hayes of Dundee University said: "Salmond may have grand plans for his Corsa, but in reality he'll spend most of his time sitting in the car park at Aldi and borrowing money for petrol."
Prime minister Gordon Brown, who drives a high-mileage BMW 5-series, warned Scotland that a part-time job and a car were serious responsibilities.
He added: "If Scotland is going to start earning money then its first priority should be the household bills.
"I don't see why I should be paying for Quorn sausages and forking out £15.99 a month for wireless broadband that I don't even bloody use."