Public confused by concept of Tory rebels

POLITICAL commentators are being repeatedly asked to explain exactly what a Tory rebel is and if they look anything like James Dean.

Sticking to 'The Man' ie the unemployed, the elderly

91 Conservative MPs who refused to back Lords reform are being described as rebels, bewildering those who think of rebellion as young, dangerous and sexy.

Among the rebels are speccy beanpole bully-magnet Jacob Rees-Mogg, door-knocking Christian Nadine Dorries, and pig-eyed tub of rancid lard Nicholas Soames, none of whom can be easily pictured slouching in a doorway wearing a leather jacket.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, explained: “In movies, rebels are fighting the status quo and risking their own lives to do what they know is right. In Parliament it’s the exact opposite.

“While rebellion usually involves fire and blood, or at least some kind of challenge to authority, the 91 Tory rebels are in authority and have bravely voted to perpetuate unelected political power for Britain’s richest landowners.”

Graphic designer Tom Booker said: “I compare everything in my pathetic, empty life to Star Wars and in that the Rebel Alliance were definitely the good guys; a tiny, embattled force fighting a suicidal battle against overwhelming odds.

“I find that hard to reconcile with one bunch of Old Etonians telling another bunch to piss off, when what hangs in the balance isn’t the fate of the universe but Nick Clegg’s pitiable political career.”

Mekon-headed rebel leader Jesse Norman MP, asked to comment, lit a cigarette, spat at a reporter’s feet and revved his motorcycle before riding off, helmetless, into the sunset.