Politics

NICK Clegg and Nigel Farage are to argue in public about which of their two parties contains the most freaks.

BRITAIN’S three main political parties have been urged to rule out any kind of government whatsoever after the next election.

THE North Sea's oil and gas fields have mounted a campaign to cut all ties with Scotland and govern themselves.

DAVID Cameron has been seen flicking through an old copy of a play about the king having a bishop killed.

THE prime minister has claimed that welfare reform offers ‘new hope, like Luke Skywalker at the beginning of Star Wars’.

THE economic recovery is finally paying dividends for Britain’s craziest political nutjobs.

TORY voters are motivated mostly by spite, it has been claimed.

ERIC Pickles has admitted his memory only goes back a fraction of a minute.

BOB Crow and Boris Johnson will soon succumb to the sexual tension between them, according to ACAS.

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband has claimed to have done it with a girl.