FOURTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has snubbed his best friend Drilla for going to Amsterdam and behaving like a gangsta.
WAGWAN? Active J been cold. Man woz sayin’ nuffink to no bruv, hespecially da XL dickhead, Drilla!
Hear man for true, innit! Active J told parentdem to go to Hamsterdam in da half-term. But no, dem’s took Active J to wasteman Center Parcs, on da pedal bikes wiv da swimmin’ an’ da trees. Rank, bruh!
Den man gets snaps from da massive deadman Drilla an’ him’s at da Hamsterdam coffee shops, throwin’ shapes an’ bein’ all gangsta! Postin’ bare TikToks outside shops wiv da sex gyaldem. Man woz so vexed.
Den back in school, wasteman woz actin’ like him’s Snoop Dogg, sayin’ him woz blazin’ doobies in da coffee shops, innit. Dickhead had mandem an’ gyaldem crews fink him dench, wiv him’s new boxfresh Air Max 95s an’ North Face drip wiv da Dutchdem labels, an’ swaggin’ around, sayin’ ‘Did somebody say Just Eat?’
An’ da worst woz man’s gyal, Lady G, woz spendin’ bare time finkin’ da dickhead nang. Active J woz not jealous, an’ man wud bare pound any man dat said him woz.
Den at break today on da hastroturf, Lady G sez: ‘Does man know wot today is?‘, an’ man sez: ’Thursday, innit. Coz we ‘ad history wiv Miss Jackson.’ An’ Lady G sez: ‘No cuz, it’s our one month hanniversary, innit’, an’ gives man a kiss an’ a can of Monster, an’ sez: ‘Lady G got sumfink else for man.’
Gyal sez: ‘Drilla bought a snide vape in Hamsterdam wiv da weed oil. Him threw a two-day whitey an’ stinked of cat piss an’ ruined da family holiday, now him’s grounded until Heaster.’
Oh man! No dickhead Drilla for two weeks. Active J buying peng gyal Maccy Ds to celebrate. Gassed hanniversary.
