Sport Headlines

Runner replaces photo of husband and children with Strava route

A KEEN runner has replaced the framed photo of her husband and children on her desk with a print-out of her latest Strava route.

Gunnersaurus struggling with universal credit application

GUNNERSAURUS is struggling to complete his application for universal credit after being sacked by Arsenal yesterday.

United to replace Harry Maguire with arthritic garden gnome with glass eye

MANCHESTER UNITED have moved to strengthen their defence by swapping Harry Maguire for an arthritic garden gnome with a glass eye.

Man United awarded further penalty four days later

MANCHESTER United have been awarded a further penalty in last weekend’s match against Brighton & Hove Albion.

Fuleco kidnapped by former World Cup mascots

THE 2014 World Cup mascot is being held for ransom by former mascots Pique the jalapeno and Gauchito.

Mark Cavendish to continue Tour in car

INJURED Tour de France sprinter Mark Cavendish has announced that he will continue the race in his 2006 Renault Clio.

Are Lineker's shirts the tightest in football history?

GARY Lineker’s form-hugging shirts have been hailed as the tightest ever worn by a football presenter.

Americans 'must be kept away from football'

THE international community is working to stop America getting into football and beating everyone.

Xenophobes tested by World Cup

LATTER stages of the World Cup have forced bigots to become more inventive in their national prejudices.

International conspiracy against Uruguay exposed

A DECADES-LONG conspiracy to discredit Uruguay and their star player Luis Suarez has been revealed.