Sport Headlines

Man enjoys annual day of struggling to understand betting

A MAN at Cheltenham knowledgeably discussing form and accumulators has already lost several hundred pounds, he has confirmed.

Arsenal fan respectfully asks Wenger to f**k off

AN ARSENAL fan who will never forget what Arsene Wenger achieved for the club has asked him to please fuck off, sir.

ITV to replace Champions League with footage of people laughing as they illegally stream matches

ITV is to replace Champions League matches with footage of laughing people who are illegally streaming the matches without signing up for BT sports.

Two grown men unable to settle differences without punching

DAVID Haye and Tony Bellew, both fully grown adults, are unable to settle an argument about who is toughest without resorting to violence.

Manchester United forgot to take EFL trophy home

MANCHESTER United’s players have realised they forgot to take the EFL trophy home from Wembley, even though it is so important to them.

Leicester City owners fire Ranieri, fans and surrounding conurbation

LEICESTER City’s owners have sacked title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri, the fans of the club and the city of Leicester itself.

Rugby under increasing pressure to come up with set of rules

RUGBY Union chiefs have been forced to admit the sport is a bloodletting free-for-all that may need some rules.

Arsenal can't remember if they are still in Champions League

THE Champions League has returned after a lengthy break and nobody at Arsenal is sure whether they have gone out yet.