Aw, bless, sportswomen told

THE Sports Personality of the Year judging panel has told Britain’s women athletes to stop worrying their sporty little heads.

What about this one?

The BBC was criticised after failing to include any of Britain’s female champions in competitions that technically count as sport.

A lot of the pastimes even bear a resemblance to real sports, only a lot slower, according to the handful of people that have seen them.

SPOTY Judge Roy Hobbs said: “Apparently we have women in swimsuits and women doing jolly well in having a bit of a wrestle so I’d be very keen to do some judging.

“They certainly sound a lot more entertaining than the ghastly collection of parliamentary harridans that descended on my office yesterday. I blame Emmeline Pankhurst, the fat cow.”

Lord Coe has promised to review the shortlisting process just as soon as he deals with the 14,000 ways the Olympics are turning into shit.

But he has pledged to draw up a list of alternative nominees and said sportswomen could help by making themselves known to a member of staff at their local leisure centre.

Meanwhile the BBC has defended itself from accusations of sexism, citing the time it gave Princess Anne the award in 1971 by mistake.

Hobbs added: “If sportswomen really want to be judged on their abilities then the attractive ones can always try Miss World.”