British grass defeats foreigners
ANOTHER batch of foreigners was sent packing yesterday in a major victory for Britain’s grass.
The Wimbledon lawns scored memorable wins over Maria Sharapova and Caroline Wozniacki, while seven other foreigners surrendered rather than face a battering at the hands of the All England Club’s big green rectangles.
Court Number Two, Britain’s number three tennis court, said: “I’ve been working especially hard on my slippery parts.
“I knew that Sharapova would try and stop me from playing my normal game so it was really about making sure I stayed as flat as possible.”
Centre Court, the current British number five, said: “I love playing against Caroline Wozniacki, she is a fantastic opponent, but when I got up this morning I felt very slippery indeed.”
But the court refused to take credit for the demise of Roger Federer, insisting: “That wasn’t me. He was just rubbish.”
Centre Court added: “I want to conserve my energy for the weekend so I can send Novak Djokovic skidding headfirst into the umpire’s chair.”
Meanwhile, Court Number One, the British number eight, said: “It’s a shame that Jo-Wilfried Tsonga has run away like a little girl.
“I’ve actually been fitted with a trap door and a crocodile pit and I was hoping to try it out on a Frenchman.”