FA says, ‘f**k it, what does it matter?’


Sunderland manager Sam Allardyce

THE Football Association has finally given up and appointed Sam Allardyce as England manager.

The new manager will be unveiled this morning in a Harvester off the M4 and will answer questions in between visits to the unlimited breakfast buffet.

It will be followed by a photo opp in the car park with him giving two thumbs up next to some massive wheelie bins.

FA chief executive Martin Glenn said: “He once helped me clear out a septic tank in my holiday cottage in Wales so I feel like I owe the bloke something.”

As well as a new manager, England unveiled the new official kit, which some observers have noted is their 2010 South Africa World Cup kit with the date altered with a Sharpie pen.

England fans have reacted angrily to the appointment, questioning the national side’s ambitions to win a major tournament before getting halfway through the first sentence and realising how ridiculous they sound.

Glenn added: “New era, exciting challenges ahead and so forth. I’m off for a slash.”

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