Football is cheaper if you don’t bother, says survey


Barclays Premier League 2014/15 Manchester City v West Bromwich Albion Etihad Stadium, Ashton New Rd, Manchester, United Kingdom - 21 Mar 2015

RESEARCHERS have found that completely ignoring football is significantly cheaper than paying attention to it.

It has emerged that season tickets, pissy beer in housing estate pubs and nylon shirts made by third world children can all be avoided by just letting them get on with it.

Former football fan Wayne Hayes said: “I told football to shove it six months ago and I noticed I had all this money in my account, which I’m spending on a foreign trip that won’t end with a broken nose in a dank police cell.

“Also, Saturdays are now a time I can spend with my wife going for walks or sweet, sweet humping rather than watching five cretins on Sky Sports compare their stupid opinions about nothing.”

Average ticket prices dropped by 2.4% over the last year but this increased to 100% when fans decided to stay at home rather than sit in a freezing cold stadium watching a bunch of oiks do PE.

The FA have been urged to make football more affordable but have yet to consider disbanding the entire sport and telling everyone to go home and read a library book for free instead.

Hayes added: “I watched a flock of starlings in the dusk sky last night and it was breathtaking. It cost nothing and I didn’t have a gang of chanting thugs threaten to kick my head in because they watch flocks of blackbirds instead.”

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