Giggs deserves knighthood for services to not behaving like a footballer


WAYNE Rooney has led calls for Ryan Giggs to be knighted for devoting 20 years to not behaving like a professional footballer.

'For services to not poking this in an M6 Travelodge'

The knee-faced striker believes it is only a matter of time before the winger receives the honour, assuming he can dodge the skanks and assault charges between now and his retirement.

Rooney said: “You only have to look at what Ryan’s done over the last 20 years to see he’s not an absolute legend in the world of pumping whores or getting drunk and kicking people in the face.

“He shows young lads that it really is possible to get paid a huge amount of money and not be a violent criminal or a sleazy pervert.”

Footballologist Wayne Hayes said Giggs’ achievements were particularly impressive as he was somehow not universally loathed despite playing for Manchester United and remained modest amid his undeniable talent and overwhelming success despite playing for Manchester United.

Hobbs added: “He’s also resisted all that background arsehole radiation he was exposed to by being managed by Ferguson for 20 years.

“It turned Gary Neville into a mutant freak.”

Meanwhile, constitutional historian Denys Finch-Hatton said Paul Scholes could also qualify, but stressed that knighting a ginger haired person is currently forbidden by the Act of Settlement.

He added: “Similarly, knighting a Welshman would be like putting a chimpanzee in charge of a busy restaurant kitchen.

“It’s all very engaging for us, but the poor creature hasn’t the faintest idea what’s happening to it.”

  • Share: